"This I believe"

I believe in forgiveness now, it doesn’t mean I always did! About a year ago I had a problem with the person I most love and care for. I had a problem with my mother. I felt she was hurting me, physically and emotionally. She was so serious back then, I felt she didn’t even love me. I even came to think that once that maybe I was not her daughter. My mom and I use to always fight. Until one day I couldn’t take it no more. I was going through depression. It was a hard time for me. I had problems at school, with my friends, my boyfriend, at work and problems at home. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt I had to take out what I was feeling inside. I always saw my moms sister as a second mom. I said to myself, why not talk with her about how I was feeling. After all she was family. My aunts name is Ana. I felt she understood me. We cried together. My mom really never listen to me. We never actually had a mother to daughter relationship. The problems was just so big between as, that it involved a social worker to interfere. The social worker said to me, “Shaira your mom is going through grown up problems, you maybe wouldn’t understand.” The social worker had decided that I had to live with my aunt for six months or in a faster home. My aunt pulled me close to her and she said “no need for that, she is going home with me.” There I was living with my aunt. My mom had the right to go visit me on weekends. Days pass by, even months, and my mom never went to go visit me. Not even once! On my 16th birthday I didn’t even see or get a call from her. I past Christmas and also New Year’s with out her. Until one day my mom called my aunt’s house and said for me to get ready, she was going to go pick me up. My mom hanged up on my aunt before she even reply back to her. My mom had this big anger towards my aunt. My aunt said “what’s wrong mija, seems you don’t really want to go with your mom or do you?’’ I stop doing what I was doing and started to break in to tears. My aunt hugged me and we had a talk. I remember what we said to each other that same day as if it was yesterday. I told my aunt, that the pain I was feeling was just s o deep, I hadn’t seen my mother for the longest and that I was scared of what might happen. I asked her why I had put up with all this drama in my life? I felt I was losing my mind. My aunt told me, “sometimes your up or your down, but that no matter what I’ll be here for you.” I then told her, but I’m so tired of smiling to everything, everyone, when the truth is that I’m dying inside.” She also said that what other people thought was not important it was what you felt inside. She also said that I had to leave everything behind and forgive my mother. Because after all she was my mother. Then I told my self that its better to forgive late, than never. The phone rang! My mom was calling to say she was outside. Before I walked out I hugged my aunt and she told me that the doors to her house would always be open for me. I walked outside, I got in the car. It was silent. We got home and started to talk. We both started to cry. My mom said to me that she loved me and that she never meant to hurt me in anyway. My mother ask me to forgive her? All I said back to her was that, “I can forgive but I cant forget.” Until this day am still living with my mom. My aunt and mom still don’t talk. I found out they had an argument while I was living with my aunt. The argument they had was over me. I sometimes think back about everything that happen. In a way am glad due to that problem me and my mother had, we have gotten now closer. But when I think about my aunt and my mother not talking to each other it hurts me. It hurts me to know that two sister’s after being so close, they don’t talk anymore. I always think about the day they can seat down together and talk, for them to them to be able to forgive each other. But most of all for them to leave all the problems behind, just like I did with mine!